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March 9, 2018

I Can’t Ask Friends and Family to Fund Our Adoption. Can I?

Asking for money for any reason is hard. Asking for money to fund an adoption is no easier. But is it wrong?

Here are 3 questions to consider–

1. Why are you asking for financial support?

Adoption is expensive, but expense–alone–isn’t always enough of a reason to ask other people for help.

Many adopting families ask for help because the amount of money required in a short timeline far exceeds their ability to pay. For example, according to Adoptive Families Magazine, the average fees for a domestic adoption in the United States are $39,966. Many adoption agencies require a bulk of that money up front to handle application, homestudy, and agency fees, etc. While coming up with $39,966 over several years may be possible, coming up with it in a matter of months may be another story altogether. If God has clearly led your family to adopt, He may clearly lead you to humble yourself and ask for help.

Note to adopting families: If God has called you to adopt and you are asking friends and family to contribute financially, take the time to explain why the financial help is vital. Be willing to share God’s heart for the fatherless and your specific call to adopt. If it applies to you, be clear that adoption is overwhelmingly expensive, and most candidates for adopting don’t have access to the required fees in the required timeline.

2. How are you asking for financial support?

The how in this case is as important as the why.

Just as God has prompted you to adopt, so, too, He will prompt the right people to support your adoption. In many ways, this is a fantastic way for friends and family to participate in caring for fatherless children whether or not God has called them to adopt. But still, we must ask correctly. Make the need known, but be careful not to over-request. Host as few fundraisers as possible with the lowest possible overhead cost so that every dollar goes as far as possible. If someone gives generously to your adoption, take that person off of future fundraising requests. He or she now knows you are adopting and will give again if God directs.

Note to adopting families: Begin by making the need known to your closest friends and family. Writing a personal letter has proven to be very effective in this regard. Be sure to celebrate every gift–no matter the size–through prayers of praise and notes of gratitude. Also, very often, your inner circle will be happy to give generously without the need to buy t-shirts or jewelry.

Do you want to help your friends’ and families’ gifts go further? Consider applying for a matching grant or fundraising support through Lifesong. We even have a free crowdfunding tool for our approved families to use!

3. What are you contributing financially to your adoption?

Be certain when asking others to contribute to your adoption that you are contributing all you can. While your life should not end while you wait to adopt your child, enjoying expensive dinners out or posting photos of extraordinary vacations while asking people to help with your adoption may send the wrong message. If God has called you to adopt, He may be calling you to sacrifice immediate luxuries … and that’s OK. You won’t regret sacrificial obedience to God.

Bottom line: Asking friends and family to help isn’t wrong if it’s done in the right way for the right reasons. And most importantly?–Where God leads, God provides.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.
–2 Corinthians 9:8

Money should never be the reason children don’t have families.


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